A hotel as a place to hide

[Shade]

Shade felt slightly nauseous when he came to that point of his story, feeling a sudden loathing with Sabertooth, whoever that was or had been. It was indeed a story that was similiar to her own - safe one life and deal with another one´s death. And as she had met Henri and as Gambit had told her it was going to be scary, she had no doubt about how the story would end.

"And Gambit had to accept the offer." she said. It was understandable. She would very likely have done the same in his stead. A choice between a brother and someone who one had seduced for one´s one ends. Not that she had ever done something like this, but she could relate.

[Gambit]

"Bien sure," Gambit said. "I gave 'im de stone, an' he dropped 'em both. I only managed t' catch de end of Henri's rope."

[Shade]

Shade sighed. The mental image of a body being dropped from the top of Notre Dame was ... disturbing. She remembered how guilt ridden he had looked after the kidnapping in Tunisia and she had been physically fine after that, apart from an overtaxed ankle which had been her own fault. She could imagine what effect that terrible event must have had on him. She might have said ´At least you managed to save one of them´ but it would have sounded somewhat stupid as this was not the point of the whole story. This was about feeling guilty in situations where one shouldn´t because one had no fault, but where guilt was still there to torture. She reached for him, letting her fingers run along the side of his arm. "Now it´s my turn to say I´m sorry." she said, meaning it. "and that I know how that feels."

[Gambit]

Gambit could further emphasize his point by describing what had happened after that and what Genevieve had told him before dying, but he decided it was enough. "I still think 'bout her," he said. "I still remember her face. De fear in her eyes. Dat stone dat cost her her life. I remember her every time I see my brother. And every time I rewind it over an' over, thinkin', 'Mebbe I coulda done somethin' different? Go back, change t'ings, cancel everythin', not steal dat stone...' And every time I think 'bout it, I realize she was doomed anyway. Wit' Sabertooth involved, she wouldn't've lived, havin' dat stone."

He turned to his stomach and leaned his forehead against the pillow. "Dere are things changin' which ain't in our power, Shade," he said. "Some things jus' meant to happen. Even if dere's hope dat probably it coulda gone differently... What we can change, however, is stop thinkin' it was all our fault. We jus' happened to get involved. Get caught in de current. Ya'll keep havin' nightmares until ya stop killin' yaself an' blamin' yaself for everythin'."

[Shade]

Every word he said was true and Shade knew that. It did not mean that things became much easier because to some extent she would always think that there might have been a way. Even when more time passed and it would get easier to think about Jimmy. She told herself this was a normal thing. Human. Thinking about things like that, rewinding them now and then. Important about this was not to put herself under too much pressure and Gambit had a point there.

She moved a little closer, leaning her head against his shoulder, draping one arm across his back. She could tell that she was at a point now, emotionally, where she was just a bit away from her eyes starting to water, but it was not just because of her own feelings of guilt or the sadness she felt at his story. It was because she felt he could honestly relate to what had happened a year ago. She felt connected to him in this moment because his claim that he understood what she felt was not just a phrase to make her feel better. She moved a little to kiss his shoulder. "You´re right." she said. "it´s just difficult to learn how to deal with the fact that the current is stronger than we are."

[Gambit]

"I know," Gambit said. "Unfortunately... well, think of it in dis way - you might be de current yourself. For somebody. We affect de lives of others de same way some totally third people affect our lives. Ya know a sayin'-"

[Shade]

Shade nodded against his shoulder, showing she knew what he meant. Again he was right. And she knew that Gambit probably knew that he was just that for her in many ways, and had been over the last few months. A current that had changed her life for the better in more than just one way. "What saying?" she asked.

[Gambit]

"De Serenity Prayer," Gambit explained. "...grant me de serenity t' accept de things I cannot change, de courage t' change de things I can, an' de wisdom t' know de difference."

[Shade]

Shade smiled slightly, remembering to have heard it somewhen, somewhere. "True." she said, letting her thumb stroke the back of his head absently. "Sounds like a good motto." Or more likely, like the only one possible to keep people with memories like theirs from going crazy.

[Gambit]

"So it is," Gambit agreed, raising his head and leaning in to touch the tip of her nose with his. "Rememberin' your brother is a good thing. Though somethin' tells me he wouldn' wanna be remembered by nightmares."

[Shade]

Her smile widened ever so slightly. "No." she said. "He´d want to be remembered by being thought of as the world´s greatest in skipping stones across lakes or something." Although he had been such a cheat at it.

[Gambit]

"See?" Gambit smiled. "Dere's somethin' to hold on to." He gave her an eskimo kiss, then touched her lips with his slightly.

[Shade]

Shade responded to the kiss. Not greedily, just a little, a gesture of affection and gratitude. It was a conversation she had direly needed and talking about this sort of feeling with someone who could actually relate had helped a lot. Gambit was right. There was so much to hold on to. So many good memories. Herself and Jimmy had always been close, especially since she had started to study away from home and she had only found out later that her little brother had looked up to her. Most of her memories about him were really good ones, outweighing the horror of the last one when she gave them enough focus.

[Gambit]

Gambit pulled back from the light kiss. "So let's see if Shade can sleep now," he said, lying down on his back and pulling her close to him.

[Shade]

"Hm..." Shade murmured and snuggled closer, noticing that most of the anxiety that had made her leave bed was indeed gone. She closed her eyes, feeling wearyness cover her senses like a thick layer. This time, she did not stay half awake for long. After maybe two or three minutes, her breathing became slow and steady when she drifted off to sleep.