A hotel as a place to hide

[Shade]

Gambit calling her p´tite made her smile a little more, although the smile didn´t really reach her eyes. There was no need to lie to him. "I will be." she said. "as soon as I can persuade myself of not being scared of falling asleep." She pulled the towel a little closer round her shoulders, but her voice sounded normal. "I had... a nightmare last night which really upset me and I have the feeling it´s still somewhere up there, waiting."

[Gambit]

"So now you're avoidin' sleep?" Gambit wondered. It wasn't an unfamiliar tactics to him, but over the years he had learned to deal with things like that in different ways - ways that wouldn't deprive him of sleep.

[Shade]

"Unconsciously maybe." Shade said "I thought maybe that would pass after a few moments outside. But it´s a difficult one to chase off."

[Gambit]

"Ya wanna talk 'bout it?" Gambit asked.

[Shade]

Shade looked at him for a moment. Gambit knew what had happened, but she had never told anyone any details. There was much that she had kept to herself and maybe it would help to talk. It couldn´t hurt anyways and she felt she was in a stable enough mood to cope with it. After a moment, she nodded. "I told you my brother was killed." she said. "And it was exactly a year ago yesterday, just that night. And that nightmare had it all repeated, like some crazy movie. It all came back. Everything. They broke into my apartment that night knowing I was a mutant. Jimmy was there too and revealed his own powers trying to defend us and ... they shot him, I escaped because I used my powers and tried to distract them, then passed out. They were disturbed and fled. I woke up in time to see him die."

See him die in her stead, she added in thought. Jimmy should have lived, they had not come for him and she still felt guilty for that.
It was a brief, almost matter of fact summary of that horrid night and Shade was astonished about the fact that she was able to retell it that calmly. Maybe it was a protective strategy of her mind or her thoughts simply getting numb when she thought about it.

[Gambit]

He hadn't expected an account of the entire thing in response to his small question; nor did it answer it really, but he at least knew she was willing to share what was troubling her. Not eveybody would.

Not saying anything, Gambit extended his hand for her to take and come closer.

[Shade]

Shade took his hand, stepping closer towards him. Her words had just blurted out of her which showed how long she had carried that memory around with her and with her alone. They had been heavy on her mind and heart and still were, yet it was somewhat of a relief to talk about it although the memory made her soul ache. "He would have been safe." she said looking at Gambit briefly before her gaze strayed. "They didn´t come for him."

[Gambit]

Gambit put his hand around her, giving her some closeness he knew she usually needed at moments like this. He could sense guilt coming off of her, not just in her words and tone of voice, but he thought he caught some over his weak empathy, too. He knew the feeling all too well - the feeling that somebody's death was unfair and, worst of all, you were the reason for it.

He couldn't tell her it was okay or that she didn't have to worry, none of it would be sincere or true; therefore he told her the only thing he could come up with that had any actual relevance at the moment. "I know how ya feel," he leaned his forehead against hers. "An' I'm sorry."

[Shade]

The towel kept her from putting her hand around Gambit´s waist, but Shade accepted the closeness gratefully, closing her eyes for a brief moment. She knew he meant his words and she did not doubt that he spoke the truth. "How does one deal with that sort of memory?" she asked in a low voice, her eyes still closed. "I thought I could deal with it."

[Gambit]

For those that didn't have any sort of spiritual training, there were only two ways. "Two ways," Gambit said, "either ya convince yaself dat it ain't your fault - an' it really isn't - somethin' dat happened completely NOT because of somethin' ya did or didn' do," he paused, "or jus' give it time, it'll become a part of ya but de emotional component will eventually dissolve."

[Shade]

Shade nodded slightly. "I think, I´ll´have to do with the second option then." she said. "Somehow I know I shouldn´t torture myself with it because there was simply no way to ... I don´t know. Still there are so many ´buts´ and ´what ifs´ that I know had it happened now, I might have been able to protect us both." Her powers had developed a great deal during the last year, first encouraged by Magneto, later even stronger by Gambit. This sort of what if was totally unreasonable, still it was there.

[Gambit]

"Dat kind of reasonin' will surely get ya nowhere good," Gambit said. "If I adopted it, I'd jus' go hang myself."

[Shade]

Shade nodded unsmiling. She knew she was doing herself no good like this. "You´re the first person I tell all this." she said. The Professor knew about her inner conflicts and they had had long conversations on the matter but she was referring to the incident itself. She still had her head against Gambit´s forehead but was looking at him now.

[Gambit]

"Thank you," Gambit said with a soft smile, meaning a 'thank you' for trusting him enough and feeling comfortably enough in his presence to share.

[Shade]

Her need for closeness was getting stronger than the intention to support herself from the night air. Keeping the ends of the towel in her hands, she slung her hands around Gambit´s waist. She could tell he understood it was a matter of trust for her to share a memory like that. She briefly kissed him on the lips, not from physical need, but as a reply to his words and smile. "Thank you." she said, stressing the second word. "for listening."